I’m living proof that when we ask we always receive. It might not be the answer we want and hope for but every single time I have asked an answer has always come. I asked for a miracle for Griffen. The miracle was that he passed on. Through my tears and pain, I eventually came to see there was a much bigger picture than I could have ever imagined.
These last few months I’ve been continually praying for growth. I want to grow my spirit and become everything my Creator would have me to be. I know that when I send up a prayer such as this I am asking for tests and unknowns. They have been coming in spades, one after another, after another.
It is both a blessing and a curse that I have a chronic desire to make other people happy. Like most of you, I was taught that to think of myself was selfish. It has only taken me forty-nine years to reach the conclusion that it makes me a sane person not a selfish one to think of me.
If others can choose to be unhappy and a lot of people do, then it is not selfish of me to choose as well. I can choose happiness. I can choose love. I can choose to let go. I choose all of the above. How did I arrive in that beautiful space? Well, the truth is right now I could vomit, but I’m on the road to getting there. Does that kind of count?
This week began as most of my days do — I was happy as a clam. I woke up yesterday morning and decided to go to ArrowHawk and spread my joy. I realized the moment I arrived that I had made a mistake. The person I had gone to see was in a bad mood. Deep breath! I consciously said to myself, “I choose happiness and love.” I came home and enjoyed the rest of my day.
Sissy has told me on multiple occasions that I am a glutton for punishment. She might be right. I run into burning buildings in an effort to save others. The hard cold fact is not everyone wants to be saved. If they choose to go up in flames, it is okay if I let them. What I must remember is I didn’t put them there to start with. If someone wants to share the joy in my heart, GREAT! If they don’t, GREAT! Despite how much I want others to see that there is a beautiful side to life right in front of them, I can’t make them choose that view. OKAY, I got it! I went to bed with a smile.
This morning I woke up with that same smile in my heart. I was watching the sun beam through the windows when I received a phone call from a loved one. Someone in our family made a bad decision last week and there were repercussions. Instead of saying, I hate that or good luck, I had suggested that maybe I could help. Yep! I sure did! And there it is again, the urge to vomit and bang my head against the wall.
Will this be it? Lord knows I sure hope so. I’m more than aware that this is not good for my health. So, let the mantra begin… I choose to retire from my volunteer firefighting duties. I choose happiness! I choose me! I hope you will choose happiness too!
Life is too short not to.
Much love!
Kim
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