First and foremost I want to ask everyone to send your thoughts and prayers to everyone who is dealing with the storms this past weekend. Actually, there is always someplace in the world dealing with some form of hardship and so my wish would be that we send positive thoughts and prayers on a regular basis. I am certain that many of you do! Thank you!
I heard a quote by Iyanla VanZant this weekend that really stuck with me. “If we bury our feelings alive, they do not die, they fester and then they turn into something else.” It doesn’t get any truer than that! We have so many feelings that we can bury. Shame. Disappointment. Anger. Hurt. Fear. Guilt. Worthiness. Failure.
I often grapple with many of those but for this occasion I want to talk about self-worth, disappointment, hurt, and shame.
I’m living proof that what Iyanla says is true. I gained over 40 pounds since 2013 because I ate food to soothe some of the feelings mentioned above. Without a doubt, I was burying a lot of them alive and on a regular basis. I was well aware of my weight gain every time I saw myself in the mirror or stepped on my scale, but I really felt it when I did the Megan Heidlberg — Your Carolina show for the book launch. Afterward, one of my friends called and told me she had watched and was so proud of me. Then she mentioned someone said I had put on some weight. Pass me some more Hershey Kisses, right?
Of course, food did not fix the underlying issue and I knew that, but sometimes it takes me awhile….in this case a couple of years. I’m finally happy with myself again regardless of what I weigh. In hindsight, I wish I had just dealt with whatever was bothering me instead of eating my way through it, but now I know. It isn’t always as easy as it sounds. I knew I was stuffing my emotions down instead of working through them, I stuffed them anyway. Do you ever do that?
I love sharing and most times don’t hold back what is on my heart or my mind. Sometimes, though, I’m well aware that I suffer in silence and just like Iyanla said bury my real true feelings. Thus far in my life I haven’t quite mastered the ability to say to others, “No, that doesn’t work for me.” “Hey, that hurt!” or “What you did or said wasn’t okay.” Then there is the biggie. “This situation is really bothering me, can we talk about it?” Oftentimes, I find that I can’t muster the courage because I am afraid it might upset the person involved.
Iyanla reminded me how important it is to deal with whatever it is that we are burying or have buried. If we do not, it will eventually come back to us in some other form. Sometimes we just need to hear someone else confirm what we already know. Today I am attempting to exhume some of my buried alive feelings. I’m not looking for sympathy but instead hoping to help us all open up and let go of anything that might be holding us back.
I’m convinced that the things we tell ourselves have actually been told to us at some point in our lives. People do not realize the power of their words and sometimes their innocent comments stick long past their verbalization. I try hard to always be kind and thoughtful with my words but am guilty of that myself. Usually in hindsight I realize that I have no idea of what is really going on with another, what they have been told or are what they are telling themselves. Why? Because most people build walls and don’t let others in.
I’m not sure that I have ever met anyone who hasn’t struggled with self-worth at some time or another in their lives. When we do not value ourselves the other emotions seem to have a more powerful effect.
When All the Way to Heaven and Back, my first book, didn’t just fly off the shelves, I was disappointed and felt some shame. In my mind, it was just going to take off and do wonderfully. When it didn’t, it felt like I had failed. When people began to ask me how many books we had sold, I could feel myself shrinking. I was extremely grateful, but the little devil on my shoulder would be whispering in my ear. “Who do you think you are? Who cares what you have to say?”
One day, I was doing some planning and giving instruction as to what should happen to my journals if I died. I wasn’t planning on dying, but I like being prepared. I have over 21 journals which house some pretty intimate thoughts and things that I may never be ready to share with the outside world. The person I was speaking to said, “If you died, honestly no one would take the time to read what is in your journals. Nobody cares!” That hurt my feelings and further exacerbated my thoughts of “Who cares what you have to say?” I know that the person who said it loves me and wouldn’t intentionally hurt me but that didn’t stop the onslaught of emotions.
Oh God! There they came. Brené Brown calls them gremlins. Whatever they are they can be very LOUD and bring on the “I’m not good enough or smart enough or whatever enough…” feelings. Those same feelings that trigger the burials. It is such a vicious cycle.
But then God works in the most mysterious ways and the magic part begins.
Just when I would be ready to give in to my disappointment in myself and hang up my writing hat, I would encounter someone who encouraged my soul. Many times that was one of you! Thank you!
I’m happy to tell you that 397 people have bought copies of the book with a minimal budget for our marketing campaign. There were 22,000 downloads when we offered the book free on Kindle. I didn’t realize the magnitude of that until I was at a Chicago Writer’s Conference in March. There, I learned that even though I might have felt disappointed I had already accomplished a lot.
Reid Tracy the head of Hay House — an enormous publishing company — said that there were three things that didn’t come as easily as most writers believed or wanted them to. The first was that you will be on Oprah. Secondly, that your book will be in Barnes and Noble and finally that it would wind up a bestseller. So far, I’ve done two of the three. Yay!
While it would be wonderful to have a bestseller, my ultimate goal is to be used by God to serve others.
I’m happy to report that the Kimberly Lollis Parrish page is gaining new readers by the day and appreciate each and every time that you share my page and my writing with others. It makes my heart smile when I feel like I am using my life for something good.
Had I let any of the buried emotions win, I wouldn’t be writing this blog post. I would have quietly gone back to my day job at ArrowHawk and gone on. Instead, I have learned to embrace the discomforting feelings and use them to drive me to reach higher and feel more.
FEELING is a good thing!
We can feel through our let downs or whatever emotion might be in front of us, but we can’t let them block us or our paths. We can’t stuff ourselves with food or fall into depression and anxiety or whatever. There is a bright light inside each and every one of us and the world needs us to shine. We have to keep trying and even if we fail we must know that we are moving towards something more.
I hope you are having a wonderful day! As always thank you for reading and for being YOU!
Much Love!
Kim
No Comments