Better late than never or so I’ve been told.
Happy Birthday to these two beautiful ladies — my sweet Mama and my darling Aunt Mackey who is her twin.
Mama and Aunt Mackey did not have easy lives. They came up during hard times in The Projects without a father and a mother who did her best but didn’t know how to nurture them. They stayed with an aunt while their mother worked in the mill. Neither one was superficial but like many women from earlier times much more likely to sweep things under the rug than raise a fuss about them.
They shared a lot of things and especially their tender hearts.
As you know, Mama has passed on. Aunt Mackey is now suffering from Dementia but the glimpses of her before her illness still thankfully come. I drove her past the projects last year and she remembered living there. She told me something that stuck, “That is where we lived, but nothing bad ever happened there. If it did, I would remember it, wouldn’t I?” It made me sad to think of two little girls filled with the light getting trampled on by darkness.
Mama was never really able to talk about her childhood or adulthood for that matter. Her beginnings and her life left her unable to express how she truly felt deep down on the inside. Sadly, I find a lot of people to be that way.
You know me, I wear my feelings on my sleeve.
Mama was able to dole out the best unconditional love ever and she was filled with love. She called my sister and me her girls. Even though she wasn’t good at telling you how she felt about her internal emotions, it was easy for her to tell us that she loved us. And it was not just words, she showed it also. That love is the part that I miss the most.
I thought I would be a little teary today. Instead, I have been filled with gratitude and love.
The truth is that Mama has never really left. Just like all of our loved ones who pass on, they remain with us long after their bodies are gone. I don’t mean to diminish the loss or the atrocious grief that follows. It is gut-wrenching and life-altering. When someone passes it ends our ability to reach out and hug them or call them on the phone and that is a very hard reality.
With that said, I believe we all are gifted with an ability to communicate with the world that we do not see. It takes work and practice. A blessing and a curse it comes with great rewards.
I can hear Mama speak as clearly as when she was here and that brings me great comfort when my heart longs for her. I just start talking out loud and waiting and she comes. We talk a lot and I know that she is at peace and happy. She wants the same thing she wanted when she was here — for everyone to be happy and to feel loved.
And so on this day, I have celebrated the life she lived and the wonderful gift that she gave me of being loved by her. I will continue to pay it forward by doing my best to spread that love with the hopes that one day it will encompass the world.
Love and light!
Kim
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