Seeing through the Eyes of the Soul

October 13, 2015

Lee and I have been doing a daily meditation and prayer time for months now. This practice has changed my life. There is something about getting quiet and listening to the silence. It gives my spirit a chance to really hear the Divine.

I’m not sure God ever stops trying to get our attention but these days there is so much other noise that THE voice gets drowned out. To really get tuned in I have to tune out the rest of the world. When I do, it brings me peace that I have longed for and a knowing that all is right with the world.

Today our meditation was about grace and “Seeing with the Eyes of the Soul”. It confirmed for me what this blog post was to be about. I had been thinking about this and had started a post, but I had hesitated. Anniversaries of people’s deaths are one of the hardest times in the whole grief experience. I would never intentionally do anything to stir pain in another. As I listened to today’s meditation I thought of the warmth, kindness and love that this subject might possibly bring. It has brought me a few tears as well, but crying is good for the soul.

My prayer is that my words will touch someone who is hurting, lost, or looking for a glimmer of hope. There is light! All we must do is seek it. When we do and seek it with our whole hearts we shall find it.

October is breast cancer awareness month. Who do we know that hasn’t experienced cancer in any form up close and personally?

Allison, Cindy, Emily, Jessica, Kim, Lucille, Missy, Sara — and the list could go on — all of these were diagnosed and are making it. Thank God!

I keep thinking of two women in my life that I have known who were the epitome of what I would call grace. The light that poured from each of them was not the usual shine that you see when you encounter another. It was so bright it was almost blinding! It was so bright that even after you were gone from their presence you could close your eyes and feel it. Now that my friend is some serious shine.

Lee’s mom Loree fought hard but after six long years her body finally gave in. She never once complained. In fact, she was more worried about others than herself right up to the very end. We were there when she drew her last breath.

Her death rocked our worlds, especially Lees. So often I wish I could pick up the phone and hear her say my name on the other end of the line, but more than anything I wish Lee could see her and talk to her. She’s visited him since she passed on, but nothing is as good as having them right in front of you. I know that for sure!

Maybe it is because they reminded me so much of each other. I’m really not sure why, but when I think of Loree my mind turns to another sweet woman. Her name was Courtney and this time last October she was in the last days of her life. You would never have known it by seeing her. Even in a wheelchair, with death at her door, her spirit was so alive you had to wonder if she was as sick as we all knew.

For those of you who read my posts and are not from upstate South Carolina, Courtney Robertson was a local. Well, that isn’t really the whole truth. While she was a local resident of Laurens, SC, I believe that Courtney was a real live angel who just happened to be here on this earth, disguised as a human being.

Being in her presence was truly like being in the light of 10,000 suns. I yearn to have the kindness and love in my heart that she had. I long to live with such gratitude in my heart. She was nothing short of amazing!  If we could all just have a little of what she had, the world would be a much better place.

When she had to go in a wheelchair and into rehab last year, Richard and I began visiting her every week. Richard had the wonderful idea to decorate her room with paper flowers. She was like a kid at Christmas — that bright grin grew brighter as we hung each and every one. She loved them and thanked us profusely. I looked forward to our weekly trips of going up and seeing her and I always left feeling like I was more than I had been when I had first come through her door. There was always a smile, a giggle and some kind of sweet words flowing from her heart. And then there were her hugs. Of course, there was the pain. It hurt me to see her family knowing they were soon going to have to give her up. I just couldn’t fathom how I would feel if that had been my sister.

On one of our last visits at the rehab center, I told her that she amazed me and inspired me to be a better person. She flashed that beautiful smile and said, “Kim, you are going to make me cry.” I told her it was the God’s honest truth. Just like my brother, there was something special about her. I told her that it was just amazing how she was able to smile and love through her illness and her pain. “It’s not me! It is all God! It is all God!” she proclaimed. We hugged and left. While I had kept my composure in front of her — at least as much as I could — I cried when we got to the car.

Driving home Richard and I talked of how amazing it was that someone could be in the position Courtney was in and not be bitter or at least complain just a little. She showed none of that. She was pure light and pure love. She was pure grace. She wasn’t worried one bit about Courtney. She knew where she was headed and she knew in that place there would be no more pain.

We saw her at a football game about a week before she died. She hugged me and smiled. I could see that she was tired, but she never admitted it. She said she was just so happy to have been able to make it.

A week later she was gone.

We lost a bright light when Courtney left this world on October 17, 2014. You can still catch a glimpse of her if you are ever in the presence of her two boys, her sister or her mom and dad. Her physical body might be gone, but her memory will live in all of our hearts forever.

Courtney, thank you for setting such a wonderful example of how Christ would ask us to be. Thank you for showing us grace and for seeing the world through the eyes of your soul.  You outdid yourself, sweet lady. I will hold all of your family close in my heart for the rest of the days of my life and I will try to live my life by allowing my soul to see light everywhere. Just like you did!

Much love,

Kim

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