My blog post last week brought up a lot of memories. Life situations this past week has brought even more. I actually think my next book has been and continues to write itself in the things happening in my life at this moment. For now, I am not ready to go into great detail. So, this post might seem vague and scattered. My prayer is as always, that something in my words will touch your heart or soul and help you just as much as writing them help me.
I think the Universe has a way of bringing things back around for us to get a second, a third and sometimes a fourth view on things. It is God’s way of giving us the opportunity to make the better choice for our higher selves.
The end photo from last week’s post always reminds me of how life can go astray even when we don’t mean for it to. At the end of his life, Griffen was so distressed over things he couldn’t control. In my last conversation with him, he was filled with angst and uncertainty. It pained me! I tried to comfort and advise him, but he wasn’t able to let some things go. He wanted to fix the people he saw as broken not realizing that we can only fix ourselves. Everyone around us is tasked with that same duty, but my brother hadn’t lived enough life to see that. I’m 49 and still learning. Griffen masked his pain with a bottle of Captain Morgan’s rum and drank himself into oblivion.
When my brother laced his sneakers on May 14th, 2007, he had no idea that it would be for the very last time. He had no idea that when he chose to drink that doing so was going to cost him his life. His friends had no idea that their actions would contribute to someone dying. All of them were just trying to escape some pain in their lives too, if only for a little while. That is what alcohol does for some people. I’m not saying that about everyone who drinks and I think you know the difference.
We must learn to deal with our emotions in a healthy way.
Like Griffen, I often find myself distressed over things I have no control over either. Right now in my life I see suffering and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help. Some things we just can’t fix or change. We can only do the best we can and then we must give them to God. He takes care of the rest and all truly is well despite how things may seem on the surface of our lives.
Writing and sharing are my drugs of choice. I pour my soul out into the world knowing that I’m not the only one who has difficulty dealing with life sometimes. I want my circumstances and my stumbles to help others along the path. My extra big heart and my love for others sometimes take me into places that don’t feel so good. Not everyone is able to understand that their junk spills over and onto others. I’m still finding that people can be calculating and me minded. I’m sure you have seen that too. I haven’t learned how not to take things personally and when people say or do hurtful things to me or say hurtful things about me I still take that to heart. When I’m hurt, I ask the Divine to help me see that people are just people and people are not perfect. Myself included!
Despite whatever challenges I may face, I will continue working to be a better person and will strive to live my life in a way that makes the world better. I want to know that if I died in the next second, I would have lived that moment practicing kindness and love. I want to live my life like Jesus. Not because I am trying to fulfill some type of religious need within myself but because I want to fulfill the purpose of my soul. I think Jesus set the bar pretty darn high on how to treat others. Lord knows that I still stink at it. I am more aware of that than ever, but I will keep trying.
And today because of other circumstances in my life I’m adding an additional one. I am not only asking WWJD but also WWGD? What would Griffen do? Griffen would tell me to keep my eyes focused on the light and never let anyone tear me down. He would tell me to practice what he couldn’t and let them go.
Up until this past week, I have been on a natural high. I’ve felt connected to a presence that sustains me in a whole new way. I must add that it helps to have wonderful friends and a great support system. (Thank you! You know who you are.) Even when the world is falling or seems to be falling apart around me, I have had a deep peace within. It reminds me so much of the ocean. On the surface, the waves can be treacherous and frightening but if you could see beneath and into the depths, you would see that the sea is calm and as peaceful as can be.
I must confess the waves have been crashing around me, but I’m determined to live every moment in honor of the gift that is life. I’m determined to live the life that my brother never had the chance to.
I’m grateful for that peaceful easy feeling and wish I could share it with every person I meet….especially those who need it the most. I will just keep making that attempt one Facebook post, one blog post, one personal encounter or one whatever at a time.
Here is to hoping you will join me on the path of light and love!
Much Love,
Kim
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